May 9, 2021

God is still good even on our worst days, he is still good. God has been give me so much revelation within me. It is as though Christ has given me sight to see him as he is. My eyes has been open and I see this world as death and Christ is truly the life. I been dealing deeply with the P.O.I energy. I sent Vee and dee birthday messages, that deeply reflects how I feel and it was thoughtful. I messaged Dee an apology, I apologize for overlooking her and not being a better friend to her, the desire was there but I didn’t entertain it. I wanted her to know that she is valuable. I said alot in that message. From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

I view Dee and Vee through the perspective of Jacob story, with Leah and Rachel. Dee being Leah and Vee being Rachel. Dee is like my first wife, In my heart I feel as though as the bible says its only right to marry the older before the younger. Laban said that Jacob was a better person to marry his daughter because it was someone he knew. I look at Dee and Vee as daughters of God. God see me like a son/son-in-laws has allowed me to marry his daughter as long as I fulfill the work he as for me.

There was a time period where Jacob was unmarried but did the work for Laban with the intentions of getting married to Rachel. Right now I am at the period where I am unmarried but I am doing the work for my father/father-in-law to get married to Vee. I missed the idea of being around her and all the work I do and the sacrifices I make I see as nothing compared to the joy I feel to have Vee.

In the story of Jacob it said the seven years he spent working for Laban felt like a couple of days because of his love for Rachel. My Father is the pastor of Camper’s temple which is the church Dee and Vee go to. I tried to go there to just get a chance to be around them. However I just didn’t want to be there. I like to be by myself and don’t want to be bother with people. There are so many things I find to be wrong with the church and it disturbs me to be in that environment and see how far the church as strayed away from God is deeply saddens me. I just want my women, Dee and Vee that’s it. I don’t care to be in that environment that long or at all.

I miss them alot and desire to be the best man that I can be for them. I just need to put my trust in God and have full faith that he will make a way and provide. My life is not my own, to him I belong, I give myself fully to him. I been going through it alot. I feel as though I am being challenge on every front, mentally, emotional, spiritually. God has provide a way out of all adversity. I try to continue to seek him and cleave to him.

I realized the life I had outside of the acknowledgement of him was no life at all. I haven’t been eating alot. I just been resting and reflecting. I felt some type of way because Dee didn’t reply to my message but I understand. I rather be completely honest about how I feel with her because I feel that’s what she values, honesty. The way I talk to or message dee is different than how I message Vee. I am more open and vulnerable in my messages to Dee. I just want to be myself. I don’t wanna have to be constantly performing for other people to like me. I hope she understands and don’t feel bad for who I am or how I move.

I deeply desire to protect them and take care of them like my daughters, I feel this so innately and truly. I know God has so much planned in the future between us. I know Vee is loving the efforts I’ve been making because I haven’t been making any efforts at all. I am glad she likes it. It’s the less I could do for a woman I love.

Jesus is alive to those who are alive and dead to those who are dead. That’s why Christ said let the dead bury the dead. When people put sand over their heads in grief they are saying ” I am just dust” it’s like an act of them burying them self and joining themselves back to the earth. Those who dwell in the earth are dead. Those who live in the this body which is dust of the earth is dead. When we are freed from the body we are truly made alive for those who are live are above the earth.

Those who accumulate the things of this world accumulate poverty, but those who accumulate the things of God has life. For God does not create things with the death in mind. He create all things so that it may be alive and continually alive. For God make all things after himself and there is no death in him. There is not suffering in him for suffering is caused by sin and sin is the wages of death. We know in our heart that for us to die or as I like to say “dye” because death isn’t the end it, it’s only a transition. We can only “dye” which is to change. The bible says “We all may not die but we all shall be changed.” We all “dye” but we all don’t die.

God don’t die because he doesn’t change. It is who he is for all eternity. I try to be as consist as possible, but I fall short to reflecting God. I’ve encouraged Dee and Vee in Christ because I am just a bondman, I made who is a sinner who was made righteous but Christ is righteousness that was made a sin. I thank God for is word that I has power to radically change things. I spoke things over Vee and Dee life that I hope comes to fruition. The life I known before I know or encounter God was no life at all but after I found true life.

I hope dee and vee can find the same benefit from encountering me that can find themselves hungering and thirsting for the true life not of this world but of God and they will as I have forsake the things of this world for they have found something greater than this world and never intent to return. Christ said that the Kingdom is always ready for you but we must seek it diligently and in fervent pray we can find.

The bible says “Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah” – Psalms 4:4

Christ suffering is the only suffering that matters, the things of this world desire to consume me and enslave me. When I suffer for the things of Christ I am renewed and restored to a better state than I once was. So few that seek him that when I find him, he knows me by my name. Greater is he who is within me than he who is in the world. I don’t care for people to get to know me, I want people to get to know Christ. My joy in him exceeds the joy I may find in this world. I can’t make myself less that Christ. Christ as made himself the least of the least, yet he is greater than all. Christ is the risen King who will reign and reign over all.

God’s love is like a consuming fire revealing everything for what it is. Who can with stand his love? How can you resist his love if you know him from within? How can you deny him anything for he is worthy of all things for all things belong to him? What rights or life do you have outside him for everything outside of him perishes? I have no life, I have not known and in my ignorance I sinned, I denied him that which belongs to him. I saw after the things of my flesh, in my ignorance I didn’t see grace but gratification of the flesh.

I thank God for revealing all things, he who is merciful to the unrighteous and kind to the weak. bless those who have nothing and take from those who have unworthily receives. God’s timing is perfect. Blessed are they who wait on him for they are like a tree planted and give fruit in due season. For God is not a God of disorder or disfunction or disillusionment. God has no part with the wicked and they have no part with him. God is the giver and the restorer of life. Wait on him. Rest in his word and know that he is in full control.

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