April 22, 2021

I am working toward developing other sources of income, besides delivering food. I am seeking to get back into my ebay hustle.

Today is my mother’s birthday, ironically, her birthday is the same day as earth day. The woman who brought me into the earth has the same birthday as it. I thought about taking my mother out on dates, to prepare for the idea of me being married but my introvertism isn’t limited to people outside of my family. In some ways it may be stronger against my family. It’s all about protecting my inner child.

I know in need to develop a better relationship with my mother, to help with my relationship with women, but I know that the relationship I have/would have with my mother isn’t one I want with women. With my mother, I can’t criticize her or correct her, I’ll be damned if I be with a woman I cannot criticize or correct. The idea is that I want to be treated with respect, me respecting a woman in the way in which I would respect my mother.

Veronica, whether she knows it or not has in some ways surpassed my mother as the woman in my life. I didn’t go up to her and say “hey, your the number one woman in my life, I just wanted to let you know that” I know that if that hasn’t happened yet, it will. I can feel it already here. Veronica likes me too much to not happily take that role. It seems like every effort I make towards her, she takes it in great stride.

I love Veronica, like my daughter so I vowed myself to teach her and protect her from any outside threat. I am bad liar so every time I am around her, I can’t hide the fact that I love her more than I love this life. One of the reasons I avoid talking to her, is because I know there will be a difference in how I speak and interact with her that others have never experience, even those who known me all my life. It’s because of my love for her that I desire to give more to her.

In a way it belongs to her, as a man who intents to her husband it’s my duty to be devoted to her. Even as the sunrise and descents my love for her has not changed. I try not to over do it by sending her love letters an all that, because I am not trying to overcompensate by saying how I feel into words, I more so want to show her what direction I am going in and she can join with me.

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