Tina

Tina

I walked away from you feeling so lost

Feel like I saw everything with you

and I saw nothing without you

I remember thinking about how nothing made sense

and with you I made sense out of the nothingness

I didn’t know how to express how deep this well of love

I have for you

other than by

falling in completely with no reservations.

 Without knowing you yet I feel as if I’ve known you

I tried to exemplify my love

by showing my willingness

to place myself in a situation that only love can survive

yet I am here after all that I have lost in that situation

I count as nothing

because I didn’t have you

patiently I waited for you

because my hours meant nothing without you

Was I obsessed?

Deeply at my core of my actions

I desired to exemplify what I truly

believe what love is

committing myself fully to this experience

for you and others

It felt unnatural to practice this behavior

with other women

but with you I felt no reservations

I wasn’t afraid to fail

I wasn’t afraid to be hurt

I wasn’t afraid to be embarrassed

I felt fearless like a bird in the sky

out in the open unknown

I felt I gave all I had

but yet I feel that I only gave a small fraction

of myself to you

How can I as man say that I love you

when I don’t even know you

when I don’t have you

when I never had you

I had this gut feeling

that when I left

There was something I left inside

I was in my car thinking and I just wanted to go back inside

to see you again

Like walking out the house

with only one shoe

everything feels unbalance

when I’m with you

I need no shoes

for I can float

you taught me that

I could love more

expand my heart

I was willing to lose everything

to be in your presence

just your presence

I know it seems like much

but I was far more unsure that I was sure

but I stood with it

because I knew what I felt was real

It was true

and I couldn’t let it go

so I wrestle with it day and night

wondering how I can make it right

I wanted to pour my love into you

until it overflowed

I wanted you to remember me

so that when you see me again

I would like for you to know

I was the man who was willing

to love you

until it overflowed

 I wish to see you again

where it be began

the feeling I had for you

still stand

and all that I sacrifice to be next to you

I’ll do it a thousand times again

because my love for you will never end

Dear my precious love, Tina.

 Not too often do you meet a woman that your willing to risk all for even unto the point of putting your own life at risk. Words couldn’t express my love and admiration. Sometimes I wonder was I just being a delusional fool or did I truly found something that was worth preserving for lifetime. I cannot say, time will tell all. I still think about you and how words couldn’t expression what my feelings were. If my love was fleeting then why is it still lingering in my heart? I feel that I could have done more but I trust the process and that it takes time.

 If the feelings aren’t mutual, I understand. I involved you in my drama and made your job at burden. I apologize for the hurt that I may have caused you. I reflected deeply upon that time period and how I could have handled things better even when taking an unorthodox approach. I admire you for being able to continue to do you work in that process. I understand if at the end of it all you may hold some contempt against me for my actions but it was all coming from a honest place. I can admit my actions may have been selfish but I felt the work I was doing innovative and I hope you learned something from it.

I do wish that some day I could take you out on a nice date and maybe reconcile some thing and that we could gain understand with one another. You was the girl I always liked from the very beginning of that experience and I still liked at the end.

I wished that we could have seen better days

That I could have done things a better way

You was the woman felt I could never leave

that should better stay

waiting for better days

the woman I truly loved

In way where we love the sun

but only feel its rays

I struggled

but I was strengthened in the process

I pray God use it to his glory and blessed those that follow.

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