Tina
I walked away from you feeling so lost
Feel like I saw everything with you
and I saw nothing without you
I remember thinking about how nothing made sense
and with you I made sense out of the nothingness
I didn’t know how to express how deep this well of love
I have for you
other than by
falling in completely with no reservations.
Without knowing you yet I feel as if I’ve known you
I tried to exemplify my love
by showing my willingness
to place myself in a situation that only love can survive
yet I am here after all that I have lost in that situation
I count as nothing
because I didn’t have you
patiently I waited for you
because my hours meant nothing without you
Was I obsessed?
Deeply at my core of my actions
I desired to exemplify what I truly
believe what love is
committing myself fully to this experience
for you and others
It felt unnatural to practice this behavior
with other women
but with you I felt no reservations
I wasn’t afraid to fail
I wasn’t afraid to be hurt
I wasn’t afraid to be embarrassed
I felt fearless like a bird in the sky
out in the open unknown
I felt I gave all I had
but yet I feel that I only gave a small fraction
of myself to you
How can I as man say that I love you
when I don’t even know you
when I don’t have you
when I never had you
I had this gut feeling
that when I left
There was something I left inside
I was in my car thinking and I just wanted to go back inside
to see you again
Like walking out the house
with only one shoe
everything feels unbalance
when I’m with you
I need no shoes
for I can float
you taught me that
I could love more
expand my heart
I was willing to lose everything
to be in your presence
just your presence
I know it seems like much
but I was far more unsure that I was sure
but I stood with it
because I knew what I felt was real
It was true
and I couldn’t let it go
so I wrestle with it day and night
wondering how I can make it right
I wanted to pour my love into you
until it overflowed
I wanted you to remember me
so that when you see me again
I would like for you to know
I was the man who was willing
to love you
until it overflowed
I wish to see you again
where it be began
the feeling I had for you
still stand
and all that I sacrifice to be next to you
I’ll do it a thousand times again
because my love for you will never end
Dear my precious love, Tina.
Not too often do you meet a woman that your willing to risk all for even unto the point of putting your own life at risk. Words couldn’t express my love and admiration. Sometimes I wonder was I just being a delusional fool or did I truly found something that was worth preserving for lifetime. I cannot say, time will tell all. I still think about you and how words couldn’t expression what my feelings were. If my love was fleeting then why is it still lingering in my heart? I feel that I could have done more but I trust the process and that it takes time.
If the feelings aren’t mutual, I understand. I involved you in my drama and made your job at burden. I apologize for the hurt that I may have caused you. I reflected deeply upon that time period and how I could have handled things better even when taking an unorthodox approach. I admire you for being able to continue to do you work in that process. I understand if at the end of it all you may hold some contempt against me for my actions but it was all coming from a honest place. I can admit my actions may have been selfish but I felt the work I was doing innovative and I hope you learned something from it.
I do wish that some day I could take you out on a nice date and maybe reconcile some thing and that we could gain understand with one another. You was the girl I always liked from the very beginning of that experience and I still liked at the end.
I wished that we could have seen better days
That I could have done things a better way
You was the woman felt I could never leave
that should better stay
waiting for better days
the woman I truly loved
In way where we love the sun
but only feel its rays
I struggled
but I was strengthened in the process
I pray God use it to his glory and blessed those that follow.