August 15, 2019 Thursday

When you are focus on building your own, you don’t have time to focus on what other people are building.

When you God calls you unto himself,

he also calls you within yourself.

If you are God temple, God calls you within the temple.

Then God has called you to the Holy of hollies.

The most sacred part of the temple.

I am God’s creation

I’ve been struggling with myself

Forgotten who I am and what I am here for

I’ve been missing out on experiencing

what God has solidify for himself

The joy of being a creator.

In life we look for the love we have within ourselves

within others

We seek outwardly what we find to be inwardly desirable.

Feeling down in my thoughts

I felt that I was just a creation

forgetting that I am also a creator

I’ve been program/encourage by society

to consume and consume to my hearts content

but I have forgotten that I am not just a consumer

I am more than that…

far more.

I’ve began to find the joy of being a creator.

Between my blog and my YouTube channel,

I been overwhelm with the shear possibility of what I could create

I’ve underestimate how much enjoyment I’ll find in it

also how much work/time it’ll take to develop an solid project

Not to sound cocky but I also didn’t realize how I could do far better

than the people I faithfully watch and support.

 

Foolishly I thought, no way I could write a book because no one would read it

Also I don’t even read books myself so I have no business trying to become an author.

Due to my poor writing skill that I’ve had since a child, I’ve thought it would be silly to try to tap into a space I have no skill in.

“No one cares.”

No one cares how much crap you deal within in your personal life

all they want to know is, “are you still coming to out Tuesday to see the new avengers movie?”

No one cares how much time you spend making a video/song/painting/or book, they either like it or don’t.

I drive for Lyft and their are countless times where I picked up someone who wasn’t familiar with black people, yet didn’t care that I was black as long as they got back home safely.

No cares how poor you are, if people like you work, they’ll pay for it.

Some how our work/creations transcend who we are, nothing.

That’s right we are nothing

I don’t know who make the last pizza I ate

or who built the bed I sleeping.

and it’s completely irrelevant

as long as I enjoy the meal and get a good night’s sleep.

No one cares how many times you fell/failed on your way to achieving your goals in life

No one cares about you making mistakes because their human too

No cares how many time you relapse on your journey to being clean of your addiction

Their are things in life that isn’t meant for anyone else to care about but you.

No one care that you ran away from school

or you divorced your husband

or didn’t graduate from middle school

or didn’t have enough money to pay for that trip you wanted to go on with your friends

NO ONE…

Cares

Children…

Are really good at not care

yet caring a whole lot.

They don’t care that the room is full of important people that mommy needs to talk to,

If they are sad, they’ll cry.

Child place a high regard to how they feel above how people may perceive them.

Its more virtuous to be child than it is to be an adult,

yet we turn child into adults

those kids you once saw laugh and being playful and free spirited

has no became adults that deals with the same hardships you do

Having to pay bill

keep up with their responsibilities that includes others

and being stressed df out.

A Child may never understand why adults

  • cheat
  • drink constantly
  • smoke
  • become abusive
  • or even suicide

Until they become one.

They may see a pattern of having to deal with the same things they parents had to deal with and becoming like their parents as a parent.

Adults will subject children to a whole lot of hell and somehow, someway

That child would running around laugh and smile

but as we become adults that child smile slow fades

Our ability to recover from hardship becomes slow over time

and we learn how to hide the pain and emotions

that we used to let run wild.

When something becomes too heavy we have no other choice but to let go of,

when a child is dealing with something, they know to let it go

As adult we would hold on to these issues for years and decades unresolved.

“Tell me Timmy, Tell me what’s wrong?!”

The child says nothing.

learning to suppress his true feelings

know how things would turn out if he told the truth.

How much of what we do/say/and think comes from learned behavior not who we really are?

I felt as though no one cares about my story or whatever I had to say, people have enough companies and brand competing for your attention backed by billions of dollars.

What lead me to this place of feeling the need to create, is feeling as though none of these companies was advertising to me. I mean of course I’ll fit the description of some of their audiences being a man, age 18-25, and single. People will find a purpose for your life, but have you found a purpose for your own? None of the products that I had to spend hours sorting through has ever lead me to any fulfillment in life.

The communities I followed were a mess and the people I had around me only had interest in sharing their own agenda for my life. I didn’t belong, no where. There wasn’t anyone who I followed online that I felt was sharing the content that I wanted to watch or create content that I myself would like to create. I never felt really compelled to read articles, magazines and books. So, my life sucked, I was putting these limitations on me. I wasn’t allowing myself to expand, grow and develop.

As a child I played video games a lot, now I couldn’t even tell you what’s my favorite games to play because I don’t play them anymore.

I am changing

Things are changing

The world is changing

My interest and views are changing

nothing is really still.

In the micro world, solid objects are vibrating.

In the macro world massive planetary objects are moving

The earth is constantly spinning

The universe is constantly expanding

and yet I feel like I live in a bubble.

I feel trapped and restricted in life.

You either tap in

or tap out

and many, dare I say the vast majority of people

has tapped out.

I was forcing feed, spending hours watching content that was meaningless. Seeing people fight and argue online gets tiring eventually and leave you with nothing to take away.

Why didn’t even join these toxic communities and why did I participate?

Maybe I felt that being apart of something was better than nothing.

I’ve had enough I was feed up, no longer will I allow someone else to be an priority in my life above myself. I’ve gave everyone else a shot, except myself. Not really know who I am in these spaces leads to a lot of confusion, trying to find myself through a phone screen.

People are always around and available when you don’t need them and somehow never around when you need them the most.

Thank you all who took the time out your day to read my blog, This is the time I need the most support. I am grateful.

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